50 More Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts
by twistyguru
Summary: Sequel to '50 Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at Hogwarts' by this author. Even more silly than the first 50 if that's possible . No Spoilers, One-Shot, Complete. No slash, but does have the obligatory personal lubricant joke. Crack!Fic, pure silliness.


**A/N:** So, I had so much fun writing (and got such nice reviews and messages in reply to) my '50 Things' list, here's 50 more. The list just seems to keep growing and growing and growing….

Disclaimer: own nothing, no profit except for giggles and good feelings

**50 More Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts**

Bring copies of the AD&D 'Player's Handbook', 'Monster Manual', 'Dungeon Master's Guide' or other book to class and claim that they are 'alternative reference textbooks'

Insist that were-succubi and were-incubi exist. Claim to know at least one of each. Insinuate strongly that they are fellow students.

Go naked under my school robes. If caught, claim to be following ancient Druidic traditions by going 'skyeclad'.

Yell "Up, up, and away!" at the beginning of every flying lesson

Yell "To the Batcave", then run full-tilt to Potions class

Use "Hummala Babala Zeebala Babala Hummala Babala Zeebala Bop" as an incantation

Ditto for "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"

Don't even ask about "suoicodilaipxecitsiligarfilacrepus"

Taunt the pure bloods with comments about their "Uncle-Daddy" and "Aunt-Mummy"

Convince Professor Binns to offer an advanced History seminar using "The Lord of the Rings" and "The Hobbit" as texts

Shoot craps in Divination class under the guise of 'reading de bones, mon'

When assuming my animagus form, fist-bump another student and yell out "Wonder Twin Powers, Activate!"

Refuse any offered animal as a familiar, insisting that I am holding out for a Flying Monkey

Change the road from Hogsmeade to the Hogwarts castle into yellow brick

Paint Hogwarts green (see #14, above)

Predict Professor Trelawny's imminent demise by falling house in Divination

Sing Randy Newman's 'Short People' every day while walking into Charms class (unless it's the friendly part in the middle)

Ask to do a book report on the _**Necronomicon**_ for extra credit in DADA

When Professor Snape is describing a particularly toxic and/or nasty ingredient, raise my hand and ask "But why does it taste so salty?"

Ask Seamus Finnegan if his Lucky Charms are 'magically delicious'

Ask Professor Flitwick if he knows Darby O'Gill

Train the House Elves to speak like Yoda, I will! Hmm!

Every time I walk by Harry Potter turn, stare at him and say in a deep and serious voice "The Force is strong in you, young Jedi"

Tell the firsties that building your own lightsaber is a NEWT-level project

At least once a week in Divination: look into the medium of the day, scream, then collapse into a sobbing heap while chanting 'oh, the horror, the horror!' over and over

Sell magic beans, either in class or between classes. Weekends are okay.

When questioned about the magic beans, point to the kudzu (that I have previously planted around the grounds) and say 'see…THAT'S what comes up, just give it time!

Frame my worst enemy for planting the kudzu (see the first '50 Things' list). Ditto the magic beans.

Line my school hat with tin foil to block out Legilimency, as well as the Orbital Mind Control Lasers™

Give Luna Lovegood a copy of **Illuminati™**, from Steve Jackson Games. Tell her that it's actually an instruction manual and teaching tool. Make her swear never to reveal who gave it to her. Tell her to speak with me again when she has seen the Fnords.

Before apparating, always yell out "Energize!"

Randomly refer to the staff not as 'Professor' but as 'Duchess', 'Grand Duchess', 'Duke', 'Grand Duke', or other title of nobility as may occur at the time

Ask Madam Pomphrey about sex-change potions and spells

Make sure that Draco Malfoy is discovered with all of the literature about sex change potions and spells that Madam Pomphrey gives me. Ditto Colin Creevy.

Put "Smile If You Shagged Harry Potter" stickers in random places. Open a Cafepress store to sell t-shirts and other items with this slogan. Tell Harry that all proceeds go to charity—then keep them for myself (after all, charity begins at home!).

Do the same thing with "Gag If You Shagged Snape" stickers, etc. Give these items as holiday gifts.

When asked what to do if a spell misfires, say "Put my head between my legs and kiss my butt goodbye!"

Bayonets, brooms and Quiddich. Three things that aren't meant to go together.

Ask the _Daily Prophet _to run a poll: Cthulhu or Voldemort—Who has the better singing voice? Encourage the _Prophet_ to have a Comments section as part of the poll.

Sell the mineral and logging rights to the Forbidden Forest

Write a letter to the _Prophet_ asking just when Fudge will finally admit to no longer enjoying the carnal knowledge of goats. Sign the letter A. P. B. W. D.

Pop Rocks as Potions ingredients: Possibly the worst idea EVER

Randomly walk up to female students and ask solemnly: "Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?"

Cover my shoes with red sequins. Insist that they are now magical ruby slippers, and click them together three times while stating my next desired location. When nothing happens, say 'damn wards', and walk there normally.

At intervals, ask a nearby student: "Hey, Rocky, wanna see me pull a rabbit out of my hat? Nothing up my sleeve…PRESTO!" Conjure any animal EXCEPT a rabbit from a top hat, look embarrassed, then walk away like nothing happened.

Charm "Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here" in large glowing letters over the main doors the firsties come through on September 1st

Refuse to either confirm or deny the rumor that each year a first year is selected at random to be sacrificed to the gods of Magick. When asked, grab the questioner by the collar, pull them aside and demand in a scary whisper "Who told you? Who told you?"

Fill the Headmaster's candy dish with E-Z-Lax Lemon Drop Laxative Lozenges

Add hair-growth potion to random bottles of sexual lubricant around the castle

If the thought of any spell or prank makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, I am not allowed to do it. If I am still giggling after 60 seconds, I MUST do it.

**A/N: ** If you only giggle once while reading this, you should not review. If you giggle more than three times, you MUST review!

For links to the inspiration to this madness, please see the first '50 Things' list posted by me.


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